Transcript: 4) Old Debts

Thanks to the incredible hard work done by Orion, episode 4 has been thoroughly and utterly transcribed! Wahoo! Thank you so much, Orion. We’re so thankful for all the hard work you do, and the love you put in each transcript.

While Orion plans to transcribe more episodes, transcription is a time consuming and difficult task, and this is a passion project of his. We’ll be updating the site with new transcriptions as they come, and will be keeping you all updated on Twitter. If anyone is interested in helping Orion write these transcripts, please email us at so we can put you in touch!

So, with another HUGE thank you to Orion, we are so pleased to present here:

Episode 4: Old Debts

Created by Yubi, Gary, Kitty and ed.

Transcribed by Orion, because he quite likes transcribing things in his spare time, and he likes TMP even more than that. Any corrections to suggest to this transcription should be sent to with ‘Transcript Error’ in the subject line.

Timestamps written are approximate rather than exact, so as to avoid breaking up the flow of the dialogue. All attempts at recreating Yubi’s and ed’s weird mouth sounds are Orion’s own.


Kitty as Nerium: Previously on The Mortal Path…


Yubi as Devin: Welcome to Little Ebbing. I suppose you can stay the night with me, if you want. I just wanna see if he did come home or if I missed him or something.


ed: I close the door. Can I roll for that one? I got a natural twenty! I’m gonna fuckin’…

Gary: I look at Taro with newfound respect.

ed: I wink.


Yubi as Velm Saldan, the head guard: You three… are under arrest.


Gary as Natalia: I didn’t kill that man! Anything else is not relevant.

Kitty as Nerium: You did kill those other two people though.


ed: What if I built a character who had no skills. [Kitty laughs]


ed as Taro: This is… the murder weapon.

Kitty: Where are you going with this, Taro…? [the lone violin starts in to signify the theme tune starting]


Yubi as Velm: I think I’ve heard enough. I think to Grendelford with you.

Yubi: And you are knocked out cold.


Gary as Natalia: I was supposed to be a hero!

Kitty: I’m gonna reach out and just sort of pat Natalia on the shoulder.

ed: I’m not.


Yubi as Grendelford guard: Oh, well it’s simple, just take them to Marlo.


Yubi: You guys have arrived in the full swing of some sort of festival or carnival. And sitting on that stage is a half-orc woman with dark green skin and hair that it is so white that it almost seems to be glowing. She, still talking, looks at all three of you… and raises her eyebrows.


[The Mortal Path’s theme tune (by Rachel Graff) begins properly.]


Yubi: So, as you guys are brought close to the stage, the half-orc… She has not taken her eyes off you guys. But especially… She is looking at Taro. And half a minute later, she finishes up this amazing display of magic [upbeat, jovial street carnival music starts up under the dialogue with maracas and steel pans] and the story comes to an end. And she stands and she bows deeply and the crowd around you goes wild with applause and everybody is having an absolutely great time. And the guards start to push you off towards the left behind the stage, and you are marched into the town hall.

Kitty: I’m clapping too!

Yubi: Okay. [laughs as Kitty claps quickly and vigorously] I’m very glad. Nobody seems to take any particular notice of you guys being dragged into the town hall, and you are very quickly dragged off to the right and walked into a small room that looks a bit like a glorified cloakroom? But there doesn’t seem to be anything on the walls, it’s sort of been taken apart. There’s some boxes and things. It’s kind of being kept for storage at the minute as for what you can see. And a second later [the music stops suddenly and is replaced by a quiet, soft and airy theme with harps], Marlo walks in and she is tall – taller than she seemed on stage – and she’s very slender, dressed in pale and silver laced dresses and shawls, her hair is long and loose down her back. And as she gets closer, you can see that her nails and her tusks are actually capped with silver. And walking behind her is a Drow in very, very fancy clothing with a great big silver medallion hung around his chest. And they both look at you and they look to the guards and the one that has been leading you this whole way goes…


Yubi as Grendelford guard: [coughs pointedly] Sorry to bother you. We’ve got, ah… Murderers up from Little Ebbing. We heard you could help the investigation…?

Yubi: And Marlo nods her head and she goes,

Yubi as Marlo, in a soft, floaty voice: Yes, I suppose you’ll be looking for a spell.

Yubi: And the guard goes,

Yubi as Grendelford guard: Yes.

Gary as Natalia: Um, excuse me. I would just like to clarify – we are not murderers. We are suspects.

Kitty as Nerium: Yes.

Gary as Natalia: And we are innocent at that.

Kitty as Nerium: Entirely.

ed as Taro, sounding awkwardly shifty: Yes. I would not disagree with any of that statement. At the moment.

Kitty as Nerium, quietly: For once. [Gary laughs]


ed: What’s the deal with this Flavor Flav guy? Is it a clock? What’s his…?

Kitty: It’s a huge medallion.

ed: Just a big old medallion.

Yubi: It’s a huge medallion. Just like… Actually a little bit gaudy with how big and fancy it is.

Kitty: Do Drow have facial hair? Does he have the moustache?

Yubi: He does not have facial hair, no.

Kitty: [tuts] Missing a trick, there.

Yubi: But he’s hanging back at the door and Marlo looks at all of you and again her eyes flick to you, Taro, and she smiles and she goes


Yubi as Marlo: Well, I suppose we’ll soon see. I hope we’re not going to make a habit of this every year, but… I suppose I don’t mind so much. I’m going to cast a spell, if you don’t mind. You won’t try and resist it, will you? I’ll know if you do, so… It’ll be pointless.

Gary as Natalia: What kind of spell?

Yubi as Marlo: It’s a spell that will render you unable to lie. It’s very simple, I’ll just ask you yes or no questions and you’ll be out of here in no time – if you’re innocent.

Kitty as Nerium: Yes! Which we are.

ed as Taro: Look, I’m not really into this whole spell thing, if I’m honest. On the whole. [Gary giggling]

Kitty as Nerium: I’m totally fine with it.

Yubi as Marlo: Well…


[~5 minutes in]


Gary as Natalia: Can we confirm that you’ll just ask us questions based on the crime we’re accused of?

Yubi as Marlo: Absolutely. What else would I want to ask you questions about?

Gary as Natalia, interrupting Marlo: Excellent! Yes. Fine is fine.

ed as Taro: No trivia questions, right? No trivia questions.

Kitty: Can I elbow Natalia hard in the knee?

Yubi: Yes, you do that.

Gary: Ow…

Kitty: Good. I do that.

Gary as Natalia: Please, spell away!

Yubi as Marlo: It’s very simple. I’ll just ask you two questions to see whether or not the spell has worked. Although… As I said, I will know if it hasn’t taken. And then I’ll simply ask you if you are guilty of the crimes that you are accused of. And if you aren’t, that’s it. And if you are, well… I suppose that’s also it, isn’t it?


ed as Taro: Can you, uh, tell us what the questions are before we agree to this?

Yubi as Marlo: Of course.

ed as Taro: Then why are you not? Can you just tell us? Can I ruin the suspense? [Gary laughs]

Yubi as Marlo: I will ask you to hold out your left hand and hopefully you will do so. I will ask you if you have held out your left hand – you will answer yes. I will ask you if you held out your right hand – you will answer no. And then I will ask you if you are guilty of…

Yubi: And she looks to the guards.

Yubi as Marlo: The… murder? Of someone… That I’ll be told in a moment, I’ll suppose.

Kitty: While she’s saying that, I am already holding out my left hand and am nodding vigorously.

Gary as Natalia: Please, spell away.

ed as Taro: Alright, go for it.


Yubi: She closes her eyes and there is a wash of electric crackling static over all of you. Anybody who wishes to resist the spell, make me a charisma saving throw.

ed: Here I go! I’m calling her bluff on this one. How do I do this… I got a 21!

Yubi: You got a 21?

ed: I got a 21!

Yubi: Okay.

ed: I rolled a good number!

Yubi: Mmkay. You feel this wash of static go over you, and you can kind of feel the edges of it and you push back and it… phwoo… Drops off you. And she opens her eyes and she slowly turns her head and she looks you dead in the eye. And then she smiles and she goes,

Yubi as Marlo: Very well. Hold out your left hands.

Kitty, hurriedly: I hold out my left hand.

ed: I also do that.

Gary: Yes.

Yubi as Marlo: Simply answer yes or no. Did you hold out your left hands?

Kitty as Nerium: Yes!

ed in a weird, low voice: Yyyyyup.

Gary: Yes.

ed : That wasn’t my character voice, hang on.

ed making another weird noise: Yarp! [everybody laughing] Ugh, I can’t say ‘yes’ in my character voice. Help.

Kitty, mocking ed: Yesh!

ed, high-pitched: Y-Yesh. Yesh! Yesh! Yesh, mish! [normally] Oh, fuck it, move on.

Gary as Natalia: Yes.


Yubi as Marlo: Did you hold out your right hands? Yes or no?

Kitty as Nerium: No!

ed as Taro: No!

Gary as Natalia: No.

Yubi as Marlo: And the crime accused…?

Yubi: And the guard behind you goes,

Yubi as Grendelford guard: The murder of Astin Kaius.

Yubi: And Marlo looks back to you and she says,

Yubi as Marlo: And did you kill Astin Kaius? Yes or no.

Kitty as Nerium: No.

ed as Taro: Nope!

Gary as Natalia: No.


Yubi: She steps back and smiles and she says,

Yubi as Marlo: Innocent. All three.

Kitty as Nerium: [gasps] Thank you so much! Thank you so much. Thank you so much.

Yubi: The two of you who didn’t resist the spell, you feel that prickly static drop off you almost like sand falling off you. [Kitty giggles] And the guard behind you kind of takes a half step back and goes,

Yubi as Grendelford guard: Oh… My apologies.

Kitty as Nerium: So, we’re free to go them?

Yubi as Grendelford guard: As far as I’m concerned, you are.

Kitty as Nerium: Thank you very much, Sir.

Gary as Natalia: In that case, please to be returning to us all of our equipment.

Yubi as Grendelford guard: Yes.

ed as Taro: Yeah, I’d quite like my stuff back now.

Yubi as Grendelford guard: Alright, well, I’ll fetch it from the cart for you. Again, my apologies for your inconvenience. And my thanks for your… semi-willing cooperation for most of this journey.


ed as Taro: Out of interest, while you’re still here. Why do you believe her?

Yubi as Grendelford guard: She’s got the gift.

ed as Taro: Well, how do you know? How do you know she’s just not making it up. [Gary laughing nervously]

Kitty as Nerium: Oh, Taro!

Taro: I’m just curious here!

Kitty, talking loudly over Taro as he tries to speak: That’s a very interesting question that I think maybe would be usefully answered at another time! Maybe after you’ve got your stuff back!

ed as Taro: Yeah! Give us our stuff back and then answer my interesting question. [Gary still laughing nervously]

Yubi: She gives you a look and her eyes kind of narrow and she goes,

Yubi as Grendelford guard: She has the gift of the oracle.


Kitty: Can I… Can I run up- or at least sidle up to Marlo? And drop a curtsy and say,

Kitty as Nerium: Um, excuse me, Miss Marlo… You’re a person who knows things. I have a question, if I may.

Yubi as Marlo: Well of course. Actually, I rather wanted to speak to all three of you… alone if possible.

Kitty as Nerium: Yes! Of course that would be possible! But may I ask my question?

Yubi as Marlo: Of course, please.

Kitty: Okay. I am gonna reach into the pocket of my blouse and very carefully take out the lock of hair. And I am gonna say to her,


[~10 minutes in]


Kitty as Nerium: Can you tell me – this is either a lock of… [choking up a little] my late mother’s hair, or someone has gone to great lengths to make me think that it is. And that seems odd because… She passed 25 years ago. And that’s a long time for a lock of hair to have been kept. So… Do you know if it’s… [voice wobbling a bit] If it’s really hers? Of it’s just meant to look like hers and someone’s trying to pull a trick on me?

Yubi as Marlo: May I see it?

Kitty, making a weird rasping noise: IIIIIIII will… hold it out…. towards her….

Yubi: She takes it very gently and she looks it over-

Kitty, slowly and painfully: I… let go…. [laughter]

Yubi: She takes it very gently and she looks over her shoulder and she says,

Yubi as Marlo: Ah, Pallen, would you leave us? For just a little while. If you wouldn’t mind.

Yubi: And the Drow nods his head and goes,

Pallen: Alright, I’ll be back shortly I suppose.

Yubi: And he leaves, as do the guards. So it’s the three of you in the room. And she moves to sit on a box, still holding this lock of hair. And she goes

Yubi as Marlo: I have magical gifts in terms of divination and seeing things.

Yubi: And again, she looks at you, Taro.

Yubi as Marlo: It’s not all free. I perform here every year as a gift to my friend, Pallen there. A childhood friend, of course. And so I travel back every year to host the Icetooth carnival. But this lock of hair… It’s covered in magic, but it’s real. Whether or not it was your mother’s, I’m afraid would take a lot more out of me than simply looking.


Kitty as Nerium, choking up again: I could… I’d be willing to… To… I mean, how much?

Yubi as Marlo: What sort of magic are you-… You say she passed away 25 years ago?

Kitty as Nerium: Yes.

Yubi as Marlo: So I would not be able to find her. But you wish to know if it was indeed hers? Do you have anything else of hers perhaps on you?

Kitty: I unfasten my gold, clover-leaf brooch, and hold it out.

Yubi: She takes that as well and she looks at both of them… [rolls dice] And after a good half minute of her just concentrating, she looks up at you and she says,

Yubi as Marlo: Yes, I do believe this may well have been hers. Of course, this is a very low level type of magical ability. It’s simply putting pieces together. If you wanted something more… so to speak, I could maybe work out a price. Speaking of prices…


ed as Taro: H-Hang on. One second. Um, I’m getting something too… I’m getting-… Ooh, what’s that smell? Oh, is that… Is that, is that… Bullshit? Oh! Oh, I think it might be!

Yubi as Marlo: You haven’t changed a bit, have you? Have you got those 10 gold pieces you owe me? [Gary gasps, Kitty makes an excited ‘oooh’ sound]

ed as Taro: Look – if I owed 10 gold pieces to every person who said I owed them 10 gold pieces-…

Kitty as Nerium: Yeah, I wonder why that is, Taro.

ed as Taro: I probably wouldn’t have 10 gold pieces. But not saying I have 10 gold pieces – because I don’t, obviously.

Yubi as Marlo: Well that’s very funny, because you did promise me 10 gold pieces for my services.

ed as Taro: Did I…? Interesting, interesting… Um… Yes…

Yubi as Marlo: Yes…

Kitty: I would like to hold my hands out tentatively to make sure that my items don’t get dropped or discarded in any way.

Yubi: She puts them very gently and very respectfully back into your hands and makes sure that every little bit of hair is still there.

Kitty: I curtsy again and thank her profusely.


Yubi as Marlo: You’re very welcome. You on the other hand… That was very clever of you, managing to never tell me your name or leave me with anything by which I could find you very easily. I did try, you know. A couple of months ago, I thought maybe I’d have a little look at where you were in the world and see if we could meet up again. But it was curious… You weren’t anywhere.

Kitty as Nerium: He was in Haxas…

Yubi as Marlo: I would have seen that.

Kitty as Nerium: Well he said that’s where he was, before he-…

ed as Taro: Well, you seem to be, uh… Making some reaches today anyway.

Yubi as Marlo: You don’t… believe in my magic? That’s funny, you were very happy with what I did for you before.

ed: I’m gonna cast my mind back and see if I actually remember this person.

Yubi: Mmkay, roll me an intelligence check.

ed: It takes good brain to remember things! Oh, I got a four!

Yubi: Absolutely no knowledge.

ed: Interesting.

Yubi: Like, not even the tiniest ‘maybe I saw you once in a town across the road’. Like nothing. You have no memory of her whatsoever.


[~15 minutes in]


ed as Taro: Well, what you did last time was hardly anything special.

Yubi as Marlo, gasping: Hardly anything special?! [Gary laughs] You paid for one of my strongest scrying spells to find that elf you were looking for! And I found her for you!

ed as Taro: Ah, well- did you? ‘Cause… Well, did you tell me about it? ‘Cause I don’t remember much about that. I don’t remember hearing back from you.

Yubi as Marlo, sounding hurt: Of course I told you about it! You were there! Do you not remember? We were in Strossa. Three years ago? The Brightstep Carnival, the ones that I travel with – you came with a couple of others of your… I suppose friends at the time, looking for information. You came to me for my scrying spell and I found her. That elf you were looking for.

ed: Oh, yeah, of course! Yeah, I remember now! Three years ago! That was a time, wasn’t it? Um… Hm. Well, I suppose I do owe… Hnh. Interesting. Huh.

Yubi as Marlo: I also know that you shrugged off my spell earlier.

ed as Taro: Well! Iiiit might be true! Might be true! I wasn’t particularly interested in you poking around in my head!


Yubi as Marlo: That’s funny. The last time we met, you didn’t seem to have anything particularly remarkably magic about you. But there is something now.

ed as Taro: Well, let’s just say I’m better at hiding these things than I look.

Yubi as Marlo: Clearly so. You’re also better at hiding – where were you?

ed as Taro: Y’know. About.

Yubi as Marlo: You-… That is impossible. My scrying spell… I would’ve seen you or I would have at least known that, again, you had closed your mind off to my vision. And yet there was nothing. There was absolutely nothing when I looked for you.

ed as Taro: Look, I’m not that special – I think you might be overestimating your skills a little bit.

Yubi as Marlo: I never said you were special. In fact, I think I just said that you were pretty unremarkable. Except in your ability to not pay me what you owe. Do you have 10 gold pieces on you?

ed as Taro: Uh, no!

Yubi as Marlo: And I suppose your… friends… don’t have it either?

ed as Taro: Nah, we’re all very poor, you see.

Yubi as Marlo: That’s a shame.

ed as Taro: [sarcastically] Ah, yeah, it is, isn’t it?

Yubi as Marlo: Maybe you could help me out.

Gary as Natalia: ‘Friends’ is a strong term.


ed as Taro: Yeah, I wouldn’t quite say that either. I just sort of bumped into these guys in a cave, y’know?

Yubi as Marlo: In a cave?

ed as Taro: Yeah, you know how it is. [Gary giggling] You’re in a cave, you bump into some people, you’re not too keen on being in the cave, so y’know. You help each other out and you go your separate ways.

Yubi as Marlo: Well, I suppose if… If you two don’t wish to hang around, that’s totally fine. But I suppose if you did want me to cast that higher magic spell… and if you wanted to write off your debt, Taro – I think, was it? Taro?

ed as Taro: Yeah?

Yubi as Marlo: I do have a little something I need doing. An old friend is in town. You remember Elden, right?

ed as Taro, clearly bluffing: Oh yeah, of course, of course! Good old…. El-… Elden? Yeah?


Yubi: Nerium, roll me an intelligence check.

Kitty: Eighteen!

Yubi: You also know the name Elden.

Kitty: Who is Elden?!

Yubi: She looks-…

ed: Elden John of course… [laughter and clapping]

Kitty: Well, I mean, Nerium has known a few Johns in her time.

Yubi: It is not Elden John, no. [laughing] She looks back at you, Taro – actually… [rolls] No, you don’t even need to roll bluff or deception or that. She looks back at you and she says,

Yubi as Marlo: Yes, Elden Zugai.


Yubi: Nerium, you-… [Gary laughing quietly] Why are you laughing? What’s funny about that?

Gary: It’s Elden… ze guy!

ed: Elden Zoo Guy. From the zoo.

Kitty: Yeah, from the zoo!

Yubi: Excuse me! Elden Zugai is one of our most amazing people who signed up to our mailing list, who’s name has appeared in an episode!

Kitty: Oh shit!

Yubi: And I think you should all be a little bit more respectful! [everyone still laughing] Of Elden Zugai!

Kitty: Elden Zugai, you have an awesome name and I support you.

ed: Thank you, Elden Zoo Guy.

Yubi: I should mention that ‘Elden’ is not their first name. It is the ‘Zugai’ part that I have taken. And maybe I’m saying it wrong! Maybe this is a ‘Boyland’ situation. [Orion note: this is a reference to the The Adventure Zone character Boyland – spoilers for the TAZ Crystal Kingdom arc in that link] Who knows?

Kitty: [laughs] Boyland? Yep.


Yubi: But Nerium! You do remember Elden Zugai- [breaks off into hysterical laughter] Stop! Look what you’ve done! Look what you’ve done! [all laughing]

Kitty: Oooh no.

ed: I can handle Zugai, I can do it.

Yubi, still laughing: Hold on… You also remember Elden Zugai, because he was also a friend of Lord Falutin. He had been round the manor a couple of times… [quiet giggling from other players] Now, I didn’t make that name up, that was Kitty. So if you’re going to laugh at that, you’re laughing at Kitty. [wheeze-laughs] How do I cancel ed’s face?

ed: Yeah? How do I get my f-…

Kitty, through laughter: ‘How do I cancel ed’s face’… How many times have people said that? [laughter]

ed: Okay, okay, okay. I’m good. I’ll come back when we’ve stopped-… [all laughing] My face has been cancelled. No season three.


[~20 minutes in]


Yubi: You have also heard the name Elden Zugai because he was a friend of Lord Falutin’s. And he had been round to Gormsley Manor a couple of times and you remember him as… [Gary quietly giggling] very, very cruel. Or at least wanting to seem to be very cruel. Whether or not he was good at it [Gary quietly losing his shit in the background] you don’t remember.

ed: Gary, please!

Yubi, laughing: Come on, man!

Kitty: A little professionalism!

Gary, laughing: I’m just gonna mute myself.. [giggles]

Yubi: You have this memory of him and you know he’s a pretty nasty piece of work.

Kitty: Mhm. I will do my best to not react in any way.

Yubi: Okay. Do you want to roll me… Are you actually, are you really trying to hide something? Is it quite easy to hide it?

Kitty: I would have thought… yes. Because she’s not looking at me and she’s just mentioning this name to Taro. And if even a flash of recognition goes across my face, I’m not going to go, [gasps] or…


Yubi: Okay, she doesn’t seem to take any notice of you and she’s still looking at you, Taro.

Kitty: I am very small.

ed: Did she ask a question? I’ve lost track…

Yubi: Yeah. A long time ago. I think she was just asking you if you vaguely remembered.

ed: Oh, I think I said yes. ‘Yeah’? Oh, I dunno, it’ll come out in the edit, right? I’m pretty sure I said yes.

Yubi as Marlo: Well, he’s here of course for the festival. He’s seemingly developed some supernatural knowledge, some skills that are perhaps arcane in nature. Suddenly and rather suspiciously. I need information on him. Or, well, I want information on him. He’s given me a very bad feeling over the last couple of days. But he knows who I am and he’ll be on the look out for me. So if you can get me some information about him, I’ll consider your debt repaid.

ed as Taro: Well, I’m pretty sure he knows me, too? Right?

Yubi as Marlo: I should hope not! That was the whole point of your last dealing with him!

ed as Taro, backpedaling: O-Oh, did you say ‘Elden’?!

Yubi as Marlo: Elden Zugai, yes.

ed as Taro: Oh! I thought you said ‘Elvin’! Okay, I’m on board, I’m board.

Yubi as Marlo: I believe Elvin is his brother.

ed as Taro: El- yeah.

Kitty as Nerium: That must be confusing at yuletide. [Yubi wheeze-laughing]


ed as Taro: Alright, well, I’ll see what I can do. Where do you think he’s hanging out at the moment?

Yubi as Marlo: Well I wouldn’t be quite so sure where he is right now but tonight he will be at the Icetooth Ball.

ed, excitedly: Is it a masked ball? Is it a masked ball?

Yubi: No. Well. It could be. Sure, why not.

Yubi as Marlo: I don’t know where he is right now but he will be at the Icetooth Ball hosted tonight by, of course, Pallen at the manor. You know… Maybe you don’t know. So, at the end of the festival there is often a grand celebration held. And the mayor likes to hold his own and he holds the masked ball of the Icetooth Carnival and, well… Elden will be there.


Kitty: Can I ask, can I roll something to find out if I have realised how close I am to Gorcy Leigh? [Orion note: see below]

Yubi: Yeah, go for it. Roll an intelligence check.

Kitty: I’m not gonna get another 18 on that, am I? No, fourteen.

Gary: By the way, I’m sort of hiding a bit nervously a bit further away, just waiting for my sword to come back.

Yubi: Okay, duly noted. Fourteen? You have no idea where you are. You don’t know. You’ve never heard of Grendelford, you don’t know where you are. But you imagine you’re pretty far from Gormsley on Lee. [Orion note: Yubi and Kitty say different names here, but it should be referring to the same place. That’s what happens when you work off a fantasy map from memory!]


Kitty: I mean, toffs travel a lot, don’t they? They can go a long way. They’ve got carriages.

Yubi: Exactly. And as you’re thinking that, Marlo looks over all of you and she goes,

Yubi as Marlo: He’s recently opened a diamond mine nearby. How he knew that there were precious gems to be found here… Well that’s part of why I’m suspicious of him, you understand.

ed as Taro: Well, yeah, of course. It’s not everyone who knows where diamonds are, obviously.

Yubi as Marlo: We’d all be very rich if we did. But he just seemed to appear, point to the ground according to Pallen, and say ‘dig here and you’ll find gems’. And well, they did. And of course he’s being touted as a local hero for starting to revitalise the economy here but… I have my suspicions. And like I said, he gave me a nasty feeling and well… The two of you…

Yubi: And she looks at you, Taro, and you, Natalia.

Yubi as Marlo: I sense there is something at least arcane about both of you. I think. A touch of it, at least.


[~25 minutes in]


ed as Taro: Well, I wouldn’t be so sure. But anyway, this seems like it might end up being quite dangerous for us if this Elden seems like he’s got magic on his side.

Yubi as Marlo: Which is exactly why I thought you might be able to help me.

ed as Taro: Yes. But I’m afraid that just writing off my debt probably won’t quite cut it here.

Yubi as Marlo, sounding amused: Is that so?

Gary as Natalia: Yeah, and I have no desire particularly to wipe off his debt.

ed as Taro: Yeah, also that.

Yubi as Marlo: That’s fair enough. Well, what do you want?

ed as Taro: Uh-

Yubi as Marlo, interrupting: Not you. You’re having your debt written off. [ed sighs dejectedly, Gary laughs]

Kitty: I mean, that’s fair.


Gary as Natalia: You are learned in magic, correct?

Yubi as Marlo: Of course.

Gary as Natalia: I might ask for some lessons. Some advice.

Yubi as Marlo: I can do that.

Gary as Natalia: I have newly come into some… small powers.

Yubi as Marlo: Interesting! How?

Gary: I look over at the others and then look back to her.

Gary as Natalia: I awoke in a cave and… My hand – as you can see, the fingertips are red and I believe… Is it my lip? My lip is also red. And something in here seems to have sparked something.

Yubi as Marlo: That is very interesting. I do sense some form of magic around you but… You say you just woke up like that?

Gary as Natalia: I did. Maybe after the completion of this mission, we could talk alone.

Yubi as Marlo: Of course, I would be very interested to know a little more about your sort of magic. Especially one that seems to have just awoken in you. Are you a religious type?

Gary as Natalia: No.

Yubi as Marlo: Interesting. Very interesting. Yes. I believe so. And for you-… Oh?


Gary as Natalia: Ah, there is one more thing. A downpayment.

Yubi as Marlo, laughing a bit: A downpayment?

Gary as Natalia: When that delightful guard comes back. I have a sword that has also come into my possession. I believe it has some interesting qualities. Would you be able to take a look at it?

Yubi as Marlo: Of course! I’d be more than happy to.

Gary as Natalia: Thank you.


Yubi as Marlo: So – and for you, of course. The spell. You wished for something more solid than intuition. Is that correct?

Kitty as Nerium: Um… No, I think having seen the demonstration of your awesome powers a little while ago… I have every faith in your intuition and as you say, if you can detect a aura of magic around these two then you can probably detect that I don’t have any at all. Or indeed any real proficiency with weapons or skills that would be useful in this sort of thing! So… I think I might just… head on. And leave it to these two.

Yubi as Marlo: Well that’s fair enough.

Kitty as Nerium: Thank you very much for your help so far.


ed as Taro: I’d also like some more money.

Yubi as Marlo: You’re not getting any money. You owe me money. You’ve owed me ten gold for three years. That’s a lot of money.

Yubi: I just wanna say a quick note, remember we did re-jig the gold system so ten gold is about a grand.

ed: Oh shit!

Kitty: Fuck!

ed: I was thinking it was like ten pounds!

Yubi: Nope! Ten gold is like a grand.

ed: Oh my God, whoops!

Yubi: Yeah.

Gary: Welcome to Gary’s Gold System!

Yubi: This is Gary’s Gold System.

ed: Gary Goldgax.


Yubi: Marlo turns back to Nerium as you get up and start to go and she says,

Yubi as Marlo: It is funny, I don’t feel any magic necessarily in you, but you are cloaked in it. There does seem to be some… thing about you.

Kitty as Nerium: What, extra than the lock of hair? Maybe it’s just that.

Yubi as Marlo: And whatever that little thing in your pocket that you’re carrying. Something else.

Kitty as Nerium: Yes! That also is probably… accounts for it. Yeah.

Yubi as Marlo: Well. If you’re looking for passage out of Grendelford, you are more than welcome to come and talk to me and perhaps you could travel with the carnival, at least back to somewhere a bit less in the middle of nowhere.

Kitty as Nerium: Would it be somewhere a bit warmer?

Yubi as Marlo: Well, of course. We’d be heading back away from here as soon as… Well, as soon as the Ice Ball is over, tomorrow morning.

Kitty as Nerium: Yes, please, I would like to travel with you.


Yubi as Marlo: Of course. Well, for the two of you who are willing to go to the Ice Ball, I can get you on the list and… I suppose you have changes of clothing? If not, I can always ask the carnival if you can go through their fancy dress costumes and find something a bit more suitable.

ed as Taro: Yep! That’s what I’m gonna go for!

Kitty as Nerium: I could help with that, probably!

Yubi as Marlo: Yes.

Kitty as Nerium: I mean, by trade I’m a dressmaker, I’m a seamstress. So anything that wants a bit of adjustment and stuff… Since you’ve been kind enough to let me travel with you tomorrow, I’m more than happy to provide a few skills to pay my way.


[~30 minutes in]


Yubi as Marlo: Well, of course.

Gary as Natalia: I, ah… I don’t own any other clothes. At least, not with me. Are you sure that I wouldn’t be able to go dressed as this?

Yubi as Marlo: Well…

Kitty as Nerium, deadpan: To a ball? Natalia.

ed: It’s fine, she’s going as a goth. [laughter]

Yubi as Marlo: That’s very brave of you, they fell out of fashion about ten years ago. [laughter]

ed: Wow…

Kitty: Goth never dies.

Gary as Natalia: I don’t know, I’ve never really had a dress.

Yubi as Marlo: Well, I’m sure we can find one that’ll fit you.

Kitty: I would like to boggle at Natalia and like, in the back of my brain, wheels are turning, like… ‘This has never worn a frock? But she’s beautiful! We have to find a dress for her immediately!’


Yubi: At that moment, one of the guards that brought you into Grendelford is standing there with both of your rucksacks and with three swords and very gingerly holds them out.

Gary: I will pretty much snatch them out of his hands.

ed: I’ll take the one I assume is mine. [laughter]

Kitty: It’s got red on it, but it’s definitely yours.

ed as Taro: Yeah, I think that’s my one, yeah.

Gary as Natalia: Ah, no.

ed as Taro: Ah, alright, yep, yep, okay.

Yubi: You take your own sword, you get both of yours back, Natalia, and you both have your own rucksacks again on you.

ed: Yay…

Gary as Natalia: And now, Mr Guard, would you kindly fuck off? [Kitty gasps]

Yubi as Grendelford Guard: Aye, ya… No worries…

Gary as Natalia: Take your false accusations and go back to your little backwater town.


Kitty as Nerium: I don’t think that was one of the ones from Little Ebbing. I think that was one of the ones we might actually be seeing again.

ed as Taro: Yeah, that was a bit mean. A little bit.

Yubi: He makes a little salute and closes the door behind him as he leaves.

ed: I wanna salute him back!

Kitty: I call out, ‘sorry!’ after him.

Yubi: [laughs] Marlo looks at you three, she goes,

Yubi as Marlo: You three are very strange.

Kitty as Nerium: Yeah, we’re not friends.

Yubi as Marlo: No, I’m starting to get that. I’m starting to get that… Anyway. Why don’t I take you all to…

Gary as Natalia: Ah, please. This sword.

Yubi as Marlo: Oh, of course. If you would let me have a look at it.

Gary as Natalia: Of course.


Yubi: She takes it and she balances it in her hands and she looks at it and she looks towards the red dyed blade at the end and after a moment, she closes her eyes and all three of you feel, again, this static psshhh over your skin. [Kitty giggles excitedly] But this one’s not aimed at you, it’s just happening very close to you. And she takes this deep breath and there almost seems to be this movement of her shawls and her lace dress and her white hair. And then it all settles and she opens her eyes and she goes,

Yubi as Marlo: [gasps quietly] That is a powerful weapon indeed. Where did you find such a thing?

Gary as Natalia: In a box.

Yubi as Marlo: In a box.

Gary as Natalia: In a cave.

Yubi as Marlo: Is this the same cave that you woke up in?

Gary as Natalia: I think so. What is a cave?

Yubi as Marlo: It’s usually a hole in rock…?

Gary as Natalia: It was in the same system of caves.


Yubi as Marlo: I see. Didn’t you say that you woke up in a cave as well?

ed as Taro: Yeah, a different cave, probably.

Yubi as Marlo: You all seem to be very confused about the nature of caves.

ed as Taro: Honestly, I was walking around for a very long time in some caves. Don’t know where I turned up. I was probably a bit drunk, you know how I am. We’ve… met, obviously. And just went for a walk, as you do. And eventually I bump into these guys after about three days of walking.

Yubi as Marlo: All three of you woke up in a cave?

Kitty as Nerium: Um, I did as well, yes.

Yubi as Marlo: How did you get there?

Kitty as Nerium: I wish I knew.

ed as Taro: Alcohol.

Yubi as Marlo: Hold on, sorry. Wait, alcohol?

ed as Taro: Eh, yeah. Starting to realise that perhaps I might have a small problem. But that’s for a different night.


Kitty as Nerium: I can say with some confidence that mine was definitely not alcohol-related.

Gary as Natalia: Nor mine.

Yubi as Marlo: That sounds both plausible and very, very strange. All three of you woke up in a cave, one drunk and two… not drunk, or hungover at least. And you found a magical sword. And… is that where you got your magical item from? Or did you always have that? The thing in your pocket, whatever it is.

Kitty as Nerium: What, me?

Yubi as Marlo: Yes, you.

Kitty as Nerium: Oh, sorry. [laughs nervously] Sorry, Miss. Um, yes. I found it. And it had the lock of my mother’s hair tied to it.

Yubi as Marlo: You found a magical bottle with a lock of your dead mother’s hair around it?

Kitty as Nerium: It sounds a lot weirder the way you describe it. At the time, it was one of the less weird things that had happened that day.

Yubi as Marlo: Right. You wouldn’t want me to take a look at that as well, would you?

Kitty as Nerium: Um… If you’re willing to.


[~35 minutes in]


Gary as Natalia: I mean, as we’re explaining things… We should probably say – we were each offered two boxes which were invisible to the others and one of which disappeared after we took said item out.

ed as Taro: Look, look. As long as we’re doing this cold reading bullshit, let me have a go. Let me just… Here, give me that bottle thing or whatever it is and I’ll tell you what it does.

Kitty as Nerium: Yeah, no, I’m not lending it to you.

ed as Taro: Look, you can hold it the whole time. Just let me touch it.

Kitty as Nerium: No.

ed as Taro: I’ll show you how bullshit this is.

Kitty as Nerium: No.


Yubi as Marlo: I’ll tell you what. Why don’t you try it on the sword? And I will tell you if you’re right or not.

ed as Taro: Alright, fine. Uhh, okay.

Gary as Natalia: If you break it, I’ll break you. [Yubi laughing]

ed: I’m just gonna kind of… Touch it a little bit and go,

ed as Taro, exaggeratedly: Oooh… Ahh, ooh, I’m getting something… Ooh… This could be… [laughter]

Yubi: Roll me a d20.

ed: Okay. It’s, uh, it’s a number. It’s a low number. [Gary laughs] It might be the lowest number. [all laughing]

Yubi: It’s the lowest number! Right. Okay. ed, link me your character sheet please.

ed: [sighs] Ah, okay. Are you gonna just delete it? Is that how that happens? Uninstall the character sheet and you die as a result? [everyone laughing]

Gary: Thunderwave!

Yubi: I’ve already done that joke.

ed: Oh my God.


Kitty: It’s… Yeah. That’s how Taro would have wanted to go.

ed: Yeah, yeah.

Kitty: He lied so badly he imploded.

Yubi: Self-destructively, while lying about things. And making a scene.

ed: Okay. This is an issue. I’m so disappointed I got my good roll on something that just doesn’t matter. And then on this, a critically important roll, I… Well, I did get a critical roll but it just wasn’t the one I was looking for.


Yubi: You put your hands on the sword and you close your eyes and you start making very, very funny mocking noises. And then you feel, again, that kind of double pinch in your palms. That spark that floods down from your elbow and the ground beneath all of you suddenly goes bwhhchhooooo and starts to shake violently in some sort of mini earthquake. And as you do that, because that power is coming from you, Marlo snatches the sword back and takes a half step and goes,

Yubi as Marlo: Ah, that’s not a very funny joke.

Kitty: I would like at this point to grab Natalia, and go,

Kitty as Nerium: Oh Jesus! Oh God! He’s doing it again! [Gary laughs]

Gary: I am going to raise a hand to him.

ed as Taro: Look, it’s a coincidence. Why did that…? What’s going on? That’s not right.

Gary as Natalia: Stop it. Please.

Yubi as Marlo: You’re casting magic! But why did you pick that one?

ed as Taro: Look, I wasn’t really trying to do anything. I’ll be honest.


Yubi as Marlo: You’ve just come into these powers, haven’t you? I didn’t sense them on you when I last met you.

ed as Taro: [makes high-pitched awkward noises] Ehhh… Deh… Aehh…

Kitty as Nerium: No, I think you’re right.

ed as Taro, obviously lying: I’ve had them for years…

Kitty as Nerium: No, Marlo, I think you’re right. Because he made a goat pony the other day and he looked really surprised.

ed as Taro: Look, don’t tell her about the goat pony.

Yubi as Marlo: You made a goat pony?

Kitty as Nerium: Yeah.

Gary as Natalia: He also exploded.

Yubi as Marlo: And you exploded…?

ed as Taro: I did…? I can’t have exploded, ‘cause I’m still here!

Kitty as Nerium: Like you did just then!


Yubi as Marlo: I don’t understand off the top of my head what’s happening but it seems very odd. And the fact that all three of you awoke in a cave, came across… Did you all come across magic items?

ed as Taro: Look, can we just get to the point here? It can’t be long before the ball, right? We’ve gotta get prepared.

Yubi as Marlo: Alright. If you don’t want to answer my questions, that’s fine. But perhaps I have answers. That’s fine if you don’t wish to. I’ll take you right away. Oh, your sword, by the way!

Gary as Natalia: Uh, the sword please!

Yubi as Marlo: I think when you use it, something rather wonderful will happen for you. But for the person that you’re hitting it with, well… They might find themselves in a spot of bother.

Yubi: And she hands it back to you. And she goes-

ed, laughing: Are you really gonna…? [everyone laughing]

Yubi: Will you let me finish my sentence?! [tries and fails to interrupt everyone mocking them]

Kitty: That’s not an awful lot of good.

ed: It’s a sword!

Yubi, trying to finish their damn sentence: Yes

Kitty: It’s a fuckin’ sword! Yeah, they’ll be in bother… They’ve been hit with a sword!

Yubi: She-! Fuck it.

Gary, laughing hysterically: ‘If you get hit with a sword… You’ll be in a spot of bother…’

Yubi: Yeah! Hold on- alright, that’s it! You lost it. You lost the reveal. You don’t get it anymore. You’ll just have to fucking find out in your own time. [everyone laughing] That’s it. She puts the sword in your hand and she leaves the room, she goes, [drums starting up under their voice, signalling the start of the intermission]

Yubi as Marlo: Come on! Follow me, I’ll lead you towards the costumes.


[~40 minutes in]


[The music goes on by itself for about 20 seconds and we are at the intermission!]


Yubi: Hi everyone. It’s me, Yubi, your DM. Who also has the flu at the moment, so I sound very bad because I’m recording this way after we actually recorded the episode. So I sound fine the episode – but here, not so good. So please bare with me. I’m gonna try and get through this without taking the rest of my voice off. I just want to start with thanking everybody who has given us such amazing support. We hit over 1000 downloads in our first week. We’ve had just the most amazing reactions from people from all over. I want to say a special thank you to Dicebard who of course provided the prize for our first giveaway on Twitter. Thank you so much. You need to go and check out their wares right now – @Dicebard on Twitter. They’ve got links to their shop. It’s absolutely amazing, it’s so much fun and the dice are beautiful. Actually, two of my sets arrived and they are gorgeous.


I’d also like to thank Rachel Graff who wrote our theme song – that really cool intro music? Like, y’know, the best music in the whole thing? That was written by Rachel. You can check out her stuff on – r-a-c-h-e-l-g-r-a-f-f dot com. And I’d also like to thank the Goblin Gazette who did an amazing interview with us and posted it I think the day or the day after we launched. [Orion note: this is a wonderful interview and also fully transcribed! Give it a read/listen!] So thank you so much for that, it was so much fun to do. We rambled so much but it was really good fun. Thank you.


I’d also like to say thank you to some of the people who have been supporting us on Twitter, especially Marty, Roosa, Scullay, Talesfromthefandom, Rye Bread [Orion note: that’s me!] and many more. But you guys have been so amazing in engaging with our stuff, telling people about us and just really getting on board and we really, really appreciate it. And we’ve also had an amazing reaction over on Tumblr as well. Lesbianetux – I’m not quite sure how to say that one… Theoneweirdkidbehindyou, rutaboogatu… [Orion note: sorry if I spelt anyone’s username wrong!] They’ve all made such amazing art and moodboards for us… And you can check it all out, we reblog it all on our blog. Oh, which reminds me – if you do for some reason make something, please tag us in it so that we can see it! Because Tumblr’s tracking system is…. Mmm… Not very good. So sometimes we won’t be able to see it unless you let us know it’s there. But we’d love to see it. So please don’t hesitate to tag us in things. We would love to see it. We’ve got our official tumblr which is just You can find us there and join us there too.


We’ve also had some amazing reviews on iTunes. Jem, Relina, Hannah… Thank you so much for leaving us reviews. And we’d just like to say again, to anyone who’s listening to this, especially if you’re listening through iTunes. If you would just take a few seconds, you can do it now while I’m doing this bit, if you just take a few seconds to drop us a review, rate us 5 stars… We would really appreciate it. It really helps us out and it helps us find more listeners as well.


We’ve also got a really exciting announcement. We are doing another giveaway! This time with SettlingGeek who you can find on Twitter. Again, SettlingGeek – s-e-t-t-l-i-n-g-g-e-e-k. Who are giving away an amazing set of dice. And all you need to do to enter is to create a piece of media to do with the show. So that can be like, anything. It could be a drawing or a poem or a photo or an interpretive dance or like… A sketch in the sand on a beach… Anything. Literally. Finger art. Anything at all. Any piece of media to do with the show. Post it wherever you want – Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook… But make sure we see it. Tweet it at us, @ us on tumblr, email it to us ( Anything you can do to make sure we see it. If we don’t interact with it on one of the official accounts, assume that we haven’t seen it and send it again. Because we would hate to not see an entry. So make sure one of our official accounts sees it, likes it, reblogs it, retweets it, whatever, to make sure that we have seen you and that we know that you’re there. The deadline for that is gonna be February the 28th. And the prize is gonna be another fantastic set of dice from SettlingGeek.


I just wanted to talk briefly about characters in this world. It’s really important for us that we leave space for you guys to headcanon characters however you want. And we’re not interested in putting down the barriers and saying ‘no this character can only be imagined this way’ or… Anything like that. That’s not what we’re about at all. But on the other hand, we also don’t want to create a space where people are headcanoning out of necessity because we won’t commit to saying a certain character is this or that. Which brings me onto the subject of Marlo, the character introduced in this episode. Marlo, when I was writing her, Marlo is trans. She was designated male at birth. And at some point in her story which fits into Alfallen, she transitioned. And that didn’t really come up in the episode. There wasn’t really a place for it to come up. And I just very quickly wanted to say – that is not the reason that Taro doesn’t recognise her. So I just wanted to nip that one in the bud, it’s a totally different reason. But it was still really important for me to get it across that Marlo is trans, because the world that we live in in real life is incredibly wide and varied and wonderful in a lot of ways.


[~45 minutes in]


And that’s what we want to represent in this fantasy world, y’know? It’s just as varied. People are just as diverse and different and we wanted to really make it clear that… Trans people exist. And people across all spectrums exist here. And not have it be a thing where it was never talked about or brought up. Which can be difficult because none of our cast members are trans and to use this particular example, we are really interested in telling stories that of course include trans people, but we don’t want to be telling trans people’s stories. If that makes sense, that distinction. But that doesn’t mean that just because we’ve said Marlo is trans, that anyone else can’t be trans. Like that really wonderful Mark Hamil quote? ‘These characters can be whoever you want them to be’. Like I said, we’re not interested in gatekeeping. But on that same hand, we also want to be clear when it comes to certain things. Like this! We are always so open to constructive criticism. You can always message us. You can email us, you can tweet us, you can talk to us on Tumblr… We would be more than happy – grateful – to hear your feedback in all honesty.


Speaking of the show again. I just want to briefly mention – we’ve got a lot of info on our site about the world and the setting. But I do just want to remind people that this is a world… it’s a fantasy world, but there’s also technology. So there’s rudimentary electricity and generators and power and machinery and that hasn’t really come up yet, again because… Well, Little Ebbing and Grendelford are in the middle of nowhere so there’s not a lot of things happening here. But I don’t want people to get surprised unduly when it comes up. Because it just hasn’t really come up yet! But it’s there. And we’re going to be exploring that soon. Speaking of that, we also… It’s gonna get weird. I’m just gonna come right out and say it. It’s gonna get really weird in the next couple of episodes. There’s a couple of things coming up that I think are going to surprise people. But I’m really excited about it. And we really like it, and we hope that you stick with us while it gets a little bit… [sings the twilight zone theme] Um… Yeah!


So, getting back to the show! We have a whole lot of social media, you can follow us on Twitter @themortalpath, you can follow us on Tumblr @themortalpath, you can follow us on facebook [voice breaking] on The Mortal Path… Oh, that was a big crack, huh? Oh boy, my voice… Uh, this is the most I’ve spoken in a week. You can find us on our website,, we’ve got an email –… Please don’t hesitate to get in touch. We love hearing from you guys. You have all been amazing, we have received such good feedback. And we just love you so much! Thank you so much. We’re really, really, really just overwhelmed and grateful for the response. Um… Yeah. I’m gonna let you guys get back to the show. [drums start back up again to signal the end of the intermission] Enjoy the shenanigans. And I’ll see you next time. Hopefully without the flu.


[the music continues on its own for about 20 seconds]


Gary as Natalia: Uh, excuse me – I asked for a downpayment, not to be shown a copper.

Yubi as Marlo: Well that’s fair enough, although none of you seem to be taking any of this particularly seriously, you all seem rather… Well.

Kitty as Nerium: Honestly? Love, go through the day we have.

Yubi: She looks back at you and she stops and she holds out her hand and – Natalia, you still holding the sword, the end of it suddenly fwoofff bursts into flame and then tssss disappears again. [Gary making a quiet gasping sound] And she goes,

Yubi as Marlo: Be very careful with that.

Kitty as Nerium: Holy shit.

ed as Taro: Yeah, this isn’t right. How come everyone flips out when I do something stupid, and that happens and nobody says anything?

Gary as Natalia: Control.

ed as Taro: Oh…

Kitty as Nerium: She’s got a point, actually.


Gary as Natalia: Now, can I just do this at will?

Yubi as Marlo: No.

Gary as Natalia: Ah-… Oh.

Yubi as Marlo, laughing: It doesn’t work like that. I should imagine it would have to be quite a forceful hit.

Kitty as Nerium: Try it on Taro.

Gary as Natalia: I’ve just got-… I do that.

ed as Taro: That’s very not good. Come on. Let’s get costuming.

Yubi as Marlo: Alright, follow me.

Yubi: And she starts to lead you down the hallway. After a minute, she leads you into this large room that is filled with coat racks and hanging materials, and there are just loads and loads and loads of really over the top fancy bits of clothing. [Kitty gasping] It is all pretty tacky. It’s all pretty gaudy. And it’s all 100% carnival type costuming.

Kitty: Nerium runs straight for the ones with the proper silk.

Yubi: There’s maybe like three out of all of them.

Kitty: Oh, she spots them.


[~50 minutes in]


Yubi: Okay, so Nerium heads off into the costumes and she pulls out her hands. And she goes,

Yubi as Marlo: Well. There you are, I’ll leave you to it. I’m going to go speak to Pallen and see if… Oh, I’m so sorry. I know your name is now Taro, but I didn’t quite catch your name and your name.

Kitty as Nerium: Oh, I’m Meredith Burrows.

Yubi as Marlo: Meredith Burrows. And…?

Gary as Natalia: Natalia.

Yubi as Marlo: Natalia. Of course. I’m going to go up… Meredith, are you going to be at the Ice Ball tonight? Shall I get your name on the list?

Kitty as Natalia: Oh, absolutely not. But I am going to be delighted to offer my assistance for preparations thereof-… Therefore… Thereto…

Yubi as Marlo: Of course. I will make sure that Natalia and Taro, your names are on the list.

Gary as Natalia: Thank you very much.


ed as Taro: Uh, could you use a different name?

Yubi as Marlo: Why? [Kitty gasps]

ed as Taro: Well, y’know. Just in case anyone’s heard of me.

Yubi as Marlo: Alright, what would you like me to use?

ed as Taro: Oh, let me think… Oh… Let’s go with uh… Talisar Tarovian. That sounds good. [Gary laughing] Let’s go with that.

Yubi as Marlo: Talisar… Tarovian.

ed as Taro: Yeah, that’ll do.

Yubi as Marlo: Of course! I will make sure that name is on the list.

Yubi: And she takes a minute-…

Kitty as Nerium: And the best bit about that is you can still call him ‘Taro’.

ed as Taro: Yeah, convenient that. Anyway.

Yubi: She laughs and then she looks at you and she goes


Yubi as Marlo: And one last thing, if you don’t mind.

Yubi: And she reaches forward and very quickly, she plucks maybe two or three hairs from your scalp and pulls them and goes,

Yubi as Marlo: And now I have a way to find you again, should you try and… rescind on the debt.

ed: That must be a deep grab. I haven’t got that much hair.

Yubi: Yeah… I mean, she’ll roll for it if you want.

ed: Yeah, roll for that shit.

Yubi: Mmkay. I mean, that’s a fourteen plus… Whatever it could have been. I’m gonna say that she manages to get two strands out of your hair.

Kitty: She gets it from your nose. [Yubi and Gary laugh]

Yubi: From your eyebrow. She pulls it out there.

ed, disgruntled: Oh, this is all very cruel… [Yubi laughing]

Kitty: Actually, the eyebrows are probably longer, aren’t they…

Yubi: Alright, she takes it from your eyebrow. She just reaches forward very gently and then – yoink! Just pulls out a couple.

ed: You’re retconning my hair…

Yubi: Exactly, I’m retconning your hair. [laughs] And she takes a half-step back and makes a small bow.


Gary as Natalia: Um…

Yubi as Marlo: Yes?

Gary as Natalia: Before you go, I have two questions. What are we supposed to be doing and who are we supposed to be doing it to? [Yubi laughing]

Yubi as Marlo: I did already explain… I simply want…

Gary as Natalia: I laughed a lot since then.

Kitty as Nerium: Elden Zugai.

Gary as Natalia, trying not to laugh: Oh, yes… [him and Kitty laughing hard] Now how will I recognise this… Zugai?

Yubi as Marlo: Of course. He’s human, elderly and he has a scar across his lip. Almost bisects the lower one. Quite recogniseable

ed as Taro: Ole Scarface, we used to call him.

Yubi as Marlo: Did you?

ed as Taro: Yes. [Gary quietly giggling in the background]

Yubi as Marlo: I see. I don’t think he would have liked that very much.

ed as Taro: No, that’s why we did it, you see. Not to his face ‘cause otherwise he’d get ornery, you know how it is. [Gary still giggling in the background]

Yubi as Marlo: Yes, exactly.


Kitty as Nerium: Miss Marlo: Um, I wonder if you have access – as part of your costumes for the carnival – would you have access to any sort of face paints?

Yubi as Marlo: Yes, of course. They should be in the back corner.

Kitty as Nerium: Wonderful. Thank you very much.

Yubi as Marlo: No worries.

Gary as Natalia: And so what are we doing to him?

Yubi as Marlo: Well… Hopefully nothing. Please don’t do anything violent- [Gary sighs disappointedly] I just want-…

Yubi: She side-eyes you. [everyone laughing]

Yubi as Marlo: I just want information. Useful information. About him. I see that both of you have a touch of magic, although clearly you don’t know how to use it yet. As I said, he’s developed powers of his own recently. He’s opened a diamond mine nearby. He is a not very pleasant person and I have a feeling there’s something darker and more suspicious about it. But if I try and question him, he won’t have it. I’ve already tried, he knows who I am. But you two… He shouldn’t know. Well, you two. He wouldn’t know you either I suppose but if you’re not going along, then…

Kitty as Nerium: No.

Yubi as Marlo: All I want… information. About him, about any magic he has, anything you can do. Try and talk to him, see what you can learn. And if it’s enough that I can work with it, well, your debt will be repaid and I will coach you a little on your magic. Although I feel we do not have quite the same powers.

Gary as Natalia: Any knowledge you could impart would be useful.

Yubi as Marlo: I can do that. I will be there at the ball. I just won’t be talking to him.


Gary as Natalia: And did you say this is a masked ball…?

ed as Taro: Masked ball…! Masked ball…!

Yubi as Marlo: It can be. I assume some will be. Not all. I would prefer not to.

ed: Why are we deciding as characters what kind of ball this is? In character voice?

Gary: The latest invitees set the dress code!

Kitty: Yeah… We’re getting dressed in a carnival’s cupboard. So there will be masks.

Yubi as Marlo: Masks are not necessary but there will be a few wearing them, I should imagine.


[~55 minutes in]


Kitty: I would like to tug on Natalia’s hand and say,

Kitty as Nerium: Um… Nat. Miss Nat. Um… Just a suggestion. If you want to get a gentleman to talk to you and answer questions, you have certain natural gifts that I think would assist you in that matter. And covering them up with a mask is not going to be a good idea.

Gary as Natalia: But why would I put a mask on my hand? [Yubi laughs loudly]

Kitty as Nerium: No, no… That’s not what I mean.

Yubi as Marlo: I will leave you to it.

Yubi: And Marlo leaves the room.

Kitty as Nerium: Yeah, I think that might be for the best.

ed as Taro: I think you’re being a bit straight to the punch there on that one.


Kitty: I would like to have a look round and see if I can find some sort of nice, blue frock for Nat that will bring out the colour of her eyes and so forth.

ed: Aww…

Yubi: Roll an investigation check.

Kitty: Yeah. And I would also like to look for some elegant gloves for her… That would be a seventeen.

Gary: Yes please.

Yubi: Yep! You have a good eye for material, so you’ve got a good eye for everything to do with this. You relatively quickly pull out three or four pretty nice dresses that… Some of them are much more gaudy and tacky than others. You find some elbow-length, white silk gloves that are clearly a fake silk but they look good enough. You start to get an idea of the layout of the costumes here, because there is an order to the chaos. And so you find it relatively easy to go and pick out bits of costume jewellery, none of it worth more than maybe a copper piece at most, and bits and pieces here. None of it really super special. But enough to look it to somebody who maybe doesn’t know any better.

Kitty: I would be very careful about not putting too much on and keeping it to small stones and things, because presumably Elden Zugai is going to know what good jewellery looks like.

Yubi: Yes, you do indeed know that he would know that.

Kitty: I am gonna-…


Kitty as Nerium: Nat, how do you feel about me doing your shopping for you?

Gary as Natalia: Uh, hm. If you could… Please. I think you will have a much better eye for these things than I do.

Kitty as Nerium: Yeah… I suspect I may. Ooh, it’s a makeover!

Gary as Natalia, nervously: Oh, yippee…

Kitty: [laughs] I do have a sewing kit, so if I need to do any adjustments and things I can sort that. And the reason I was asking for face paint is that… Okay. I’m gonna go and grab some and come back, assuming that Natalia has changed into her outfit at this point. I’m gonna say,

Kitty as Nerium: Um… Natalia. Would I be right in assuming that perhaps you haven’t used cosmetics much previously?

Gary as Natalia: What is a cosmetic…? [ed and Yubi laughing]

Kitty as Nerium: It’s like when you… Like rouge and stuff…

Gary as Natalia: I mean… I have red on my lip.

Kitty as Nerium: Yeah, that’s exactly the point, you see. I thought maybe if we cover that up with a lipstick so that people can’t tell that it’s a permanent mark, you’ll be less recognisable in future.

ed: I’m gonna nod knowingly. [Yubi laughs]

Gary as Natalia: That makes a lot of sense.

Kitty as Nerium: Alright, okay. You stay very still. And when I say don’t blink, don’t blink. Okay? Or you’ll get pencil in the eye. Stay very still.

Gary as Natalia: Okay.


Kitty: And I do Nat’s make up.

Yubi: Roll me a dexterity check.

Kitty: Oh ho… [Yubi laughs]

Gary: It’s a very strange feeling, having make up put on you…

Kitty: Yeah, it is, actually.

Yubi: It really is.

Gary: It really is.

Kitty: That is a fifteen!

Yubi, laughing: A fifteen!

Kitty: But only because I have a good modifier!

Gary: It’s a fifteen! It’s the score that counts! The score that counts!

Kitty: You nearly went blind, but…

Yubi:  You are working with the equivalent of make up that is like slicking butter on someone’s face.

Kitty: Grease paint.

Yubi: It is grease paint. It is claggy and meant to show very starkly from a long way away for people who are not close to the stage. You have to use it incredibly subtly and the foundation isn’t quite the same shade as Natalia’s skin. But… You manage to make it work.

Kitty: I mean… Natalia’s young and, yeah… She probably doesn’t need that much work.

ed as Taro: Look, can I just point out – I do have my disguise kit with me? [Gary laughs loudly]

Kitty as Nerium: I’m not disguising her! I’m bringing out her natural assets!

ed as Taro: It’s all part of a disguise…


Yubi: Taro, what are you getting from this room of many costumes?

ed as Taro: I want the Merry treatment! Look, Merry, you can come up with an outfit worthy of-… [coughs, then speaks in a poncy, fancy accent] Talisar Tarovian! [Gary giggling]

Kitty as Nerium: I mean… Yeah… I’m gonna go out and look for something with a nice flouncy sleeve to it. Like those bard shirts with the big frothy lace on the front.

Yubi: There are so many of those in every colour under the sun.

ed: Yes!

Kitty: Yep, yep. One of those. His trousers are tatty, aren’t they?

Yubi: They’re really, really bad.

Kitty: Right, let’s find him some nice, tight, black satin ones.

Yubi, laughing: Very nice, okay. Yeah, you find ‘em.

Kitty: Yeah, nice and shiny. And I think probably a waistcoat of some sort. If there’s some sort of brocaded, gold thing.

Yubi: Yep.

Kitty: Perfect, that’s what we’re going with.

Yubi: Alright.


[~1 hour in]


Kitty as Nerium: There you go! Don’t you look lovely! Give us a twirl.

ed as Taro: I’m not dressed yet. [Gary laughs]

Kitty as Nerium: I mean… don’t give us a twirl like that. Afterwards.

ed: I’m gonna go find a changing room.

Yubi: There is no changing room. But there are lots of-…

ed: I’m gonna go hide behind something.

Kitty as Nerium: Behind that rack, behind that rack.

ed: Very careful that no one’s watching.

Yubi: Okay. [Kitty laughing] I’m assuming no one’s trying to watch.

Kitty: Oh, hang on.

ed: I’m being very, very careful!

Yubi: Hang on! [laughing]

Kitty: I will, however-… No, not ‘hang on’-….

ed: Are you perving on me?

Kitty: Let me just roll for perception! [everyone laughing] Before I hand the tight satin trousers to Taro, I am gonna use my sewing kit to split the seam to make sure that his tail is alright.

Yubi: Yes, you make a… tail hole.

ed: A tail hole? An ass hole! An ass hole for my ass… tongue! Tail.

Yubi, laughing: What?!

Kitty: I mean, if I made the hole big enough for your arsehole qualities… There wouldn’t be any fabric left.

Yubi: Oh…! Wow. What a burn. Okay, so. Both of you have your very, very fancy, gaudy outfits on.


ed: Can I find a mask as well? While I’m looking.

Yubi: Yeah! Roll me investigation if you’re looking for it.

ed: I am looking for it with my eyes…

Yubi: What sort of mask are you looking for with your eyes?

ed: I dunno. What kind of animals have horns? It doesn’t need to be an animal…

Yubi: Goats.

Kitty: Lions.

ed: I’m not using a goat mask… Come on.

Yubi, laughing: Lions don’t have horns…

Kitty: What?

Yubi, still laughing: Lions don’t have horns!

ed: I rolled a sixteen.

Yubi: A sixteen! You find a goat mask, you find a stag mask, you find… Another animal with horns mask.

ed: It’s a stag! I’ll go with a stag.


Kitty: May I roll perception to have a look at the masks?

Yubi: Yes. What are you looking for…?

Kitty: I got a fifteen.

Yubi: But what for?

Kitty: I’m looking for a donkey.

ed: That’s mean!

Yubi: [laughs] You, after a little look, you find one that’s not a mask, it goes over the whole head. It’s like the whole head of the donkey with the big… horse-mouth bit at the front.

Kitty: I just hold it up and say to Taro,

Kitty as Nerium: I mean, if you don’t want people to recognise you…?

ed: I’m walking away. I am already gone. I’m not going to dignify this with any kind of response.

Kitty: I think that’s fair.


Yubi: Alrighty. So – the two of you are in your outfits. Taro, you’ve got like a half-face stag mask on with the antlers. With your horns behind the antlers? It’s probably a pretty good aesthetic, actually. And Natalia, you have been decked out in a very nice blue and white dress with elbow length gloves and a face full of makeup which is itchy and already a bit hot. Enjoy.

Gary: Woohoo!

Yubi: What do you wanna do?

Kitty: Before Nat goes out there, I would just like to – as I’m doing her face, I’ll say things like,

Kitty as Nerium: So, um… If you’re talking to a gentleman in a ball and you would like him to answer your questions… Tell you what, Nat, can you do an amused laugh for me?

Gary as Natalia, awkward and high-pitched and stilted: Ha ha…?

Kitty as Nerium: Yeah, really funny though.

Gary as Natalia: Hm. [high pitched, like a sailor moon villain] Ho ho ho ho!

Kitty as Nerium: Perfect, perfect! Right, keep doing that. And smile. And anything that he says, you go, ‘that’s so interesting – do go on’!


ed as Taro: Now Nat, touch my elbow! [Gary wheeze-laughs]

Gary as Natalia: I don’t want to!

ed as Taro: Ah, fine.

Kitty as Nerium:  You’ve got the nice white gloves on.

ed as Taro: Touch the old guy’s elbow, it’s fine. It’s probably less dirty, anyway.

Kitty as Nerium: Yeah, no, actually that’s a good one. Touch his elbow and… touch your hair!

Gary as Natalia: Okay. Elbow, hair.

ed as Taro: Now, you’re aware of what interesting things are, right? You’ve been interested in stuff before, yep?

Gary as Natalia: Books and swords!

ed as Taro: Yep, pretend this old guy is a sword-book. [Gary laughs]

Kitty as Nerium: Yeah…

Gary as Natalia: Okay, I can do that!


Kitty as Nerium: As well as asking him about books and swords or pretending that he is a book or a sword… I’m not quite sure how that’s gonna work… Um, you probably wanna be asking him about business interests, and how incredibly rich he is? Rich people like talking about how rich they are.

Gary as Natalia: I see, I see… Play to his-

Kitty as Nerium: Vanity.

Gary as Natalia: Interests. His vanities. I see.

Kitty as Nerium: You’re all set, love. You’re fine.

Gary as Natalia: Thank you very much.

ed: I just wanna lean over to Merry and say,

ed as Taro: I’m a little bit concerned…

Kitty as Nerium: Yeah, I think you’re right to be – but it’s the best we can do.

ed as Taro: Alright.


Gary as Natalia: Let’s go.

ed: I wanna make sure I’ve got… I wanna get into my bag and make sure I’ve got a pack of cards and my magic dice and just… Y’know, the stuff I have.

Yubi: Yep. You take your wallet, you take your little six-sided wooden dice and you take a pack of cards that you have.

Gary as Natalia: Now, uh, Meredith? Nerium?

Kitty as Nerium: Merry.

Gary as Natalia: Merry.

Kitty as Nerium: For now.

Gary as Natalia: Could you… I don’t believe I could take my backpack in, could I?

Kitty as Nerium: Ah no, no. Definitely not.

Gary as Natalia: Could I swap you then?

Kitty as Nerium: Oh yes, of course!

Gary as Natalia: For my things. And particularly this sword. And if you keep that safe… And if I might take one of your daggers?

Kitty as Nerium: I mean, I’ve only got the one.

Gary as Natalia: I mean your dagger.

Kitty as Nerium: Yeah, of course. I’ll tell you what – it’s only little…


[~1 hour 5 minutes in]


Kitty: Can I have a look through the shelves and see if there might be a little reticule that she could carry it in so it’s not like… Around her waist?

Gary: What is a reticule?

Kitty: It’s a small handbag.

ed: Glad someone knows.

Yubi: Yeah.

Gary, laughing: What?! Okay!

Yubi: You manage to find a very pearly-pink clam-shell type little clasp bag.

Kitty as Nerium: It’s not ideal, but it’ll do… Yeah. Keep it in that. Unless you have to take it out.

Gary as Natalia: Very well.


ed as Taro: Out of interest, Merry. Do you think a sword like that would look out of place on Talisar Tarovian?

Kitty as Nerium: I mean… I don’t know much about swords.

ed as Taro: But you seem to know about balls. [Gary and Yubi laughing a lot]

Kitty as Nerium: Ah…. I have… certain… A degree of knowledge about such things I suppose, it would be fair to say. I definitely wouldn’t go with a red one because it’s not going to be your colours.

ed as Taro: Presumably it’ll be in a sheath, right?

Kitty as Nerium: Yeah, no, but the handle.

ed as Taro: Oh, yeah, you’re right actually.

Gary as Natalia: She’ll be having my sword anyway. Don’t worry.

ed as Taro: Alright!

Kitty as Nerium: But you’ve got a spare, Nat! Is it nicer than his?

Gary as Natalia: I have two perfectly good swords! That are mine.

Kitty as Nerium: Fair enough.

ed as Taro: All I’m saying, is that in an emergency I could hand it over. Just in case things were to go a little bit south. But this might not be the kind of event that lets swords in anyway. I’ll be honest, letting people bring swords in to a party seems like a bad idea to begin with.

Gary as Natalia: I agree. Let’s keep it on the “down… low”.

Kitty, snorting with laughter: Sorry! [laughs] Let’s keep it on the fantasy down-low!


Yubi: Okay! You hand over your weapons to Nerium and you take Nerium’s dagger in a clasp bag.

Kitty: Out of interest… These two swords of Nat’s that I am now holding onto. Would either of them potentially be classed as a finesse weapon?

Gary: Yes…

Yubi: Yes – but they are bigger than you, buddy. [Gary laughs]

Kitty: What, like literally bigger than me? Like, three foot long?

Yubi: Like literally… Are your swords more than three foot long?

Gary: Uh… Three-… They’re probably about three foot including the handle, actually. [Kitty laughs]

Yubi: Yeah, they’re about as big as you.

Kitty: Excellent! I use them as walking poles. [laughs] And follow after them.


ed: I’m gonna leave my stuff… somewhere. Is there somewhere safe that I can leave my stuff and then come back and pick it up?

Yubi: Roll investigation.

ed: Oh god. Ah-tff-cha-tff-ff-…

Gary: Merry is staying behind.

ed: Yeah, I thought you were staying behind? You can look after my stuff.

Kitty: Yeah! Yeah.

ed: Cool. Sorted.

Yubi: Okay, so… Nerium, tiny little Nerium, weighed down with two backpacks and now three swords as big as her.

Kitty as Nerium: Good luck guys! [Gary giggles]


Yubi: Alright, you guys step out of the costume room, you are in the middle of the town hall seemingly, very dressed up. What are you doing?

Gary: Wait, where is the ball? Is it in the town hall?

Yubi, quietly sing-song: Marlo told you…

ed: Do I have my mask on? Oh, fuck it. Mask off?

Yubi: You have your mask on.

ed: Alright. Mask on!

Yubi: The lower half of your face is visible but the top half is covered with the mask.

Kitty: Once they’ve set off, I am totally gonna go through both their bags.

Yubi, laughing: Okay.

ed as Taro: ‘ere, Nat – you don’t suppose Merry would go poking around in our bags, do you? [Kitty laughs] I don’t think she would. She doesn’t seem the type. Bit nice, y’know?

Gary as Natalia: She’s just a seamstress. I mean, why would she do that?

ed as Taro: Well, exactly.

Gary as Natalia: We haven’t asked her to refashion our bags.

ed as Taro: No, we haven’t. Cor, I’d be pretty pissed off if she looked in mine, though. Don’t want her looking around my stuff, if you know what I mean.

Gary as Natalia: Oh, I think I’d execute her.

ed as Taro: Oh, okay. Anyway. [Yubi wheeze-laughing, Gary and Kitty laughing]


ed: What sort of time is it? How long is it until the ball, basically, is what I’m asking.

Yubi: You’ve got no idea, mate.

ed as Taro: We should probably go and find out when that ball starts.

Gary as Natalia: Yes, I quite agree.

ed: Who was the guy with the Flavor Flav medallion..? Clock? Is it Flavor Flav who has that clock? Have I been making the wrong reference?

Kitty: Yeah, it is Flavor Flav. Um, his name was Pallen.

ed: Pallen!

ed as Taro: Nat! Let’s go and find… Pallen! [Kitty laughing]

Gary as Natalia: Yes, let’s.


[~1 hour 10 minutes in]


Yubi: He is speaking to a group of people who are dressed equally fancily, but not quite as fancy. And as you walk over, he turns around and he raises his eyebrows and he goes,

Yubi as Pallen: Well – you certainly look a little bit different from last time I saw you.

ed as Taro in an overly deep, grandiose voice: Greetings, Pallen! It’s been quite some time, has it not? [Gary laughing]

Yubi, trying not to laugh: He gives you-…

Gary: Oh, Nat just… There’s this hand that goes to her face. And goes, ‘oh, hair!’

Yubi, laughing: Your fingers are now kind of covered with the brownish foundation that’s been put on you that’s kind of now… [Kitty laughs] Make up smears on your white glove. He raises his eyebrows and he goes,

Yubi as Pallen: Quite some time… Indeed… How lovely to see you again… Looking so wonderful, the both of you. Are you going somewhere special?

ed as grandiose Taro voice: Well, we’ve been told that it was your ball tonight.

Yubi as Pallen: Yes! Of course, and you are both invited as is your-…

ed as grandiose Taro voice: Of course we are!

Yubi as Pallen: -other friend… Who I assume is maybe on their way?

Gary as Natalia: Ah, she is indisposed at the moment. I’m sorry, she won’t be able to attend.

Yubi as Pallen: What a pity, she will be missed. Ah, please do join us. I suppose you- well, you have never been to the ball before so I will take you to where you are going.

Gary as Natalia: Thank you. I’ve never been to one of your balls.

Yubi as Pallen, trying not to laugh: No. No you haven’t. Right. I will just be one moment. I will… get a carriage for us. Ah, please feel free to introduce yourselves.

Yubi: He turns to the three people, the three humans with him.

Yubi as Pallen: I will be back shortly with the carriage for us all. Please do excuse me.

Yubi: And he walks out of the room and you are left there with three very puzzled looking humans.


Gary as Natalia: Hello. It’s ever so nice to meet you. My name is Natalia.

Yubi as one of the humans: A pleasure to meet you too.

Gary as Natalia: What, pray tell, are your names?

Yubi as one of the humans: I am Maria. I am the owner of the lumber yards just outside of Grendelford – and these are my two children. I don’t believe we’ve had the pleasure of meeting you before, Natalia and…

ed as grandiose Taro voice, condescendingly: Oh, sorry, were you trying to talk to me?

Yubi as Maria: Yes, I was. [Gary giggling]

Kitty: Fuck… Oh, fuck…

Gary: I elbow him.

ed as grandiose Taro voice: Talisar Tarovian.

Yubi as Maria: Talisar Tarovian.

ed as grandiose Taro voice: I’m not sure you would have heard the name.

Yubi as Maria: No, what do you do? [Kitty laughs loudly]


ed as grandiose Taro voice: I’m a Count, of course. What do you think a Count does?

Yubi: One of the kids pipes up and goes,

Yubi in young kid’s voice: Counting?

ed as grandiose Taro voice: Ha.

Kitty: Ha, ha, ha, ha. [Gary giggling]

ed as grandiose Taro voice: Droll..

Yubi as Maria: It’s nice to meet you, Mr Tarovian. Count Tarovian, I should say.

ed as grandiose Taro voice: Uh, I wish I could say the same.

Gary as Natalia: Oh, don’t mind Count T-T. [Yubi laughing] He’s not used to polite society.

Yubi as Maria: No, clearly not. Well, if you’ll excuse us – we’ll probably find our own way to the ball. Come along.

Yubi: And she starts to hurry off.


Gary: I stare daggers at Taro.

ed as Taro: Look, it’s pretty important, you see. This guy is pretty pretentious, right? He thinks himself important. I’ve gotta get on that level if we’re gonna talk to him.

Gary as Natalia: I see. Well, how about when we go into the ball, we split up?

ed as Taro: I’m all for it.

Gary as Natalia: Because if he thinks we’re together, he might think something is afoot.

ed as Taro: Yeah, I think you’re right.

Gary as Natalia: Especially if we’re both trying to pry information out of him.

ed as Taro: You might wanna work out how you know Count Talisar Tarovian as well.

Gary as Natalia: That’s true.

ed as Taro: Let’s just say we’ve just been introduced here by…

Gary as Natalia: Pallen.

ed as Taro: That’s his name! That’s the one.

Kitty: [laughs] Oh, what could possibly go wrong?


Yubi: As you say that, Pallen reappears and he goes,

Yubi as Pallen: Oh, I see that you have… lost our other guests. No worries, I met them on the way out. Why don’t you follow me and we’ll head you right over there. Marlo has told me everything. I will ask, please, this is a very important event. I am doing this as a favour to my very long time friend. And I would very much like to have an Icetooth Carnival Ball here next year as well. [lower and more threatening] Do not fuck this up for me. Please. [brightly] Come along! I’ll take you right away to the carriage.

Gary as Natalia: I’ll, uh, try my best.

ed as grandiose Taro voice: I think you’ll find Talisar Tarovian is the height of civility.


[~1 hour 15 minutes in]


Yubi: He leads you outside and you guys are brought into this little carriage which is very intricately decked out in silvers and in white paint. And after about a 10 or 15 minute ride, you come up to this huge manor house which is on one of the inclines of the slopes that are in Grendelford. It looks over the city and it is decked out in absolutely amazing sculptures made of ice and snow, covered in silver paint. There’s almost this tinsel type material wrapped around it. Again, it almost looks gaudy and tacky. There’s just so much opulence here. But none of it’s real opulence in the sense of real gems and diamonds. It’s like crystals and it’s silver painted things. But with the twilight behind it and the ice cold air, it’s still pretty impressive. It’s certainly not something that’s a day to day sight. [Lone violin starts up, signifying the ending theme starting up again] And you two are both lead inside and the front door opens up into this little corridor which has the doors open at the end, and you can see this huge room where this music is playing and there are lots of people in incredibly beautiful, well-made, ornate clothing, who are… Some are dancing, some are talking… There are tables lined with food and there are lots and lots of people there. And as Pallen steps forward, the place goes quiet and people look over and he opens his arms, and he goes,

Yubi as Pallen: Welcome! To the Icetooth Ball!


[The music starts in earnest with the familiar drumbeat of the theme song, fading into the lone violin that ends the episode]


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